Kristin and Alisha recently had the opportunity to sit down with Rachel Piper from The City Weekly newspaper and talk candidly about sex, religion and taboos. Since this article has published, emails, comments and Facebook shares have poured in and they couldn’t feel grateful enough. Just 8 days away from their big workshop, On The Edge of the Bed: A Tastefully SEXY Workshop For Women, this gives you a taste and feel for who will be presenting September 14th. Here are a few highlights from the interview. Please visit the City Weekly website for the full article. AND if you feel so inclined, please share, comment or like on the City Weekly site.
What are some of the common sexual issues couples bring to you?
KH: Desire—for men and women. Frequency. Not wanting to try new things—and not even having a window to talk about it. We get these same themes presented in a variety of ways. People come to us and ask, “How often should we be having sex?” Well, how often do you want to be having sex? And if it’s different, let’s teach you how to negotiate that. There is no blanket answer that will work for every body and every relationship.
AW: Sex is a skill, like anything else you’ve learned. We learned how to breathe, how to play the piano. This is a skill that you’re going to learn with somebody else, but still look at it as a skill, rather than something that’s just going to magically happen. It is important to understand your own body, and not expect your partner to understand your body better than you do.
If a woman is just dipping her toe back into the sex waters and her partner is ready to leap back in, how can they get a feel for where the other is?
AW: A woman will approach a man how she wants to be approached—she’ll go up and do some light touching, and he’s like, “OK, well, that’s nice.” And he’ll go up and just grab her boob. And she’ll go, “Whoa, whoa, that’s not what I want.” It’s about talking to each other, and being willing to say, “I like it when …” and learning about each other.
KH: And trust and patience. If your spouse comes to you and says, “I’m just dipping my toe in,” then you have to meet them there and build that trust to where they know they’re not going to be pushed further or taken advantage of. Sex dates help with that—scheduling time once a week where it’s sex. It’s not throwing it in after a Friday-night date night after you’ve gone to dinner and are totally full and you’ve gone to a movie and you’re both tired. It’s creating a time where you’re going into it knowing that you’re going to have sex. People say, “Oh, that’s so canned, it’s not romantic.” But you can be as spontaneous as you want after it’s planned.
How long does it take to figure out sex?
AW: It’s going to constantly be changing—if you have health problems, pregnancy, age, whatever. It’s not like, “OK, after two weeks of our honeymoon, we have figured this out!” You figure things out, and then you’re renegotiating, and figuring it out again.
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