First off, a big thank you to all of the great calls we received on x96 Radio From Hell today. Alisha couldn’t have said it any better on her Facebook post, “People are so brave. We have the best callers.” Each time we have a show, a particular theme comes through and today was no exception. We covered a lot of ground and got a lot of emails in response to the questions. Pornography, vibrators, duty and desire and the drama triangle were all lightly covered and based on your follow-up emails, apparently you want more. If you missed our show and are feeling like you missed out, you can catch up by listening to the podcast here.
Let’s start with pornography. We got two callers that both talked about pornography being a part of their life but causing problems in their life and relationships. One of the callers mentioned viewing pornography between 2-3 hours every other day or daily (oh and caller, if you read this, we offered you a free copy of our book so just email firstname.lastname@example.org to get your copy). We didn’t get to flesh that out but regardless. What both of these callers had in common was pornography has been a part of their life since they were in their early teenage years, it was disrupting their life, they were both sure they could stop if they wanted to yet weren’t despite the problems it was causing. It seemed they wondered if they had a problem but weren’t entirely sure. We got follow-up emails from other listeners asking the same underlying question, “How do I know if I have a problem?” Great question callers and emailers. One of our favorite, local resources for help with pornography or sexual compulsive or addictive behaviors is Life Star. Their entire practice is built around sex and pornography addiction and they know their stuff inside and out. We refer many clients to their group because they have a treatment approach that really makes a difference in improving lives. If you are not entirely sure if you have a problem, they have a page on their site that has a great list of questions to help you determine if you have a problem. Simply follow this link. Additionally, they have a bunch of resources you can check out if you want to know more. They also have a program for spouses of pornography so women can get the support they need. If you have more questions about this program, questions about pornography, more resources, etc. please don’t hesitate to email us at: email@example.com Your questions can be completely annonymous.
One of those same callers was finding himself caught in what Gina described as a “tit-for-tat” situation to which, I, Kristin mentioned he should google “the drama triangle.” Focusing on your partners behaviors as a way to justify your own behaviors only distracts from the issues at hand and takes the focus off of where it really needs to be…on you. We all find ourselves in conversations with partners, friends, family, co-workers, etc where they get heated, go in circles and leave you without resolve and angry, discouraged, misunderstood to name a few. Understanding the drama triangle can help you identify where you contribute to the drama in your life. Again, it’s easy to point the finger at someone but where you have your control is when you point the finger at yourself and see where you could do things differently. Thanks to Wikipedia, we’ve got a way to share this with you here. If you find yourself stuck and can’t see to identify where you are in the drama triangle or know where you are but don’t know how to get out, consider coming in for an appointment with one of our therapists.
Then we had a great female caller who was struggling with enjoying sex now that she is married. She said she enjoyed it prior to sex and then it all went away. This is incredibly common for a lot of women both religious and non-religious alike. However, those with a religious background where sex prior to marriage is discouraged may experience this at higher levels. As we talked about, Duty and Desire can’t be in the bedroom at the same time. If a woman (or man) now feels that sex is their duty, they have lost touch with their own personal sexual drive and desire and it becomes a task to meet their parters need instead of a fulfilling part of their life. The podcast we recommended you listen is by Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. She is an LDS psychotherapist, who did her dissertation on women and sexuality within the LDS framework. She is incredibly well known for her work with couples and women. It’s a three hour podcast but a very worthwhile listen. You can also consider reading the book Mating in Captivity. Oh and ladies, if you haven’t registered for our intimacy workshop in September, we’ll be talking about this very thing. You can find out more and register here. Enter the promo code RADIO for $20 off.
Lastly, Vibrators. There is a whole range and spectrum of vibrators available on the market. We have a great relationship with a local “adult” shop called, Black Velvet Boutique. If you want to see the variety of products available, you can just go to their website by clicking here. However, if these are relatively new waters for you and you’d just like to learn more, this link takes you straight to the information on vibrators page without any pictures. It’s just education. And as always, if you have more questions, please don’t hesitate to email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or you if you want to explore and learn more of the sexual realm in a safe way, consider a coaching session with Sex Girl, Alisha. Be watching for our upcoming youtube series that we are doing with Richie T and Gina on a variety of sex topics!
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