How To Have Healthy Boundaries During The Holidays
Holiday season is upon us, which may bring a veritable cornucopia of emotions.
Extra time with family members or friends can be wonderful and fulfilling…and it can also be stressful as you try to manage the burden of obligations and expectations.
In order to keep your holidays focused on connection and joy, healthy boundaries are key. Identifying and enforcing your boundaries will create space for you to enjoy this holiday season while maintaining connection with those you care about the most.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries determine what you are comfortable with in a given scenario and what you will do if those limits are crossed. Consider them psychological demarcations that can help you set realistic limits. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, time-based, or space-based.
Boundaries are important because they:
Create clear guidelines for how you want to be treated
Protect your wellbeing and identity
Honor your needs and wants
Help avoid burnout, stress, anxiety, and resentment
Can help prevent financial, emotional, or time burdens
What Boundaries Are Not
The key to understanding healthy boundaries is they define what YOU will do if your needs are not being met. Boundaries cannot control another person’s choices or autonomy. For example telling someone, “You can’t give my kids craft slime as a gift because it violates my boundaries.” is not actually a boundary, because it is trying to control what someone else is doing.
Instead, an appropriate boundary might sound like, “I don’t enjoy having craft slime in my house and won’t be taking it home, so you are welcome to keep it at your house for the kids to play with when they visit.”
Examples of Boundaries:
“I feel much more relaxed when I have my own space, so I’ll be staying at a hotel this Thanksgiving. Can’t wait to see you at dinner!”
“Little Jane doesn’t feel like hugging today and we respect her choices regarding her body, so please don’t pressure her for a hug.”
“We’re not able to participate in a gift exchange this year. We’d love to get together for a game night and some quality time if you’d be up for that instead.”
“Ooh, yeah, discussing the election seems like a bad idea. How about we talk about your kitchen remodel? I’d love to hear an update.”
“I can come for dinner but will need to leave by 9 pm.”
“I’m keeping my dating life private right now, thanks. But I did get a new puppy recently! Want to see a picture?”
“We’re not able to make it this year. Thank you for thinking about us!”
What other boundaries would be applicable this holiday season?
