How To "Adult" When You Don't Want To
By Yennhi Hoang, LCSW, PMH-C
You know when you’re just not in the mood to do life, but there are things you need to do?
Yeah…me too!
Listen, I am all for listening to our body’s need for rest. Rest is vitally important to our well-being. However, there are also times when you have to do the thing — like feed yourself, go to work, do laundry, take care of kids, etc. So, how can we make it easier to “adult” when it’s the last thing we want to do?
Here are five tips to improve your executive functioning when it’s time to “adult”:
Combine the thing you have to do with something you enjoy
Personally, I am a huge fan of Face Timing my friends while I cook/clean/do chores. Perhaps you love listening to music or a podcast while you’re doing your walk/chores/whatever it is. Maybe you go on a grocery shopping date with your friend. Maybe you have life admin things to do and your friend does too and so we both sit down next to each other for accountability. Having a buddy always makes the mundane more fun.
Here’s some language you can try on:
“Hey, I am really not in the mood to do x, would you be willing to join me?
“I would love to connect with you, and I’m also limited on time, want to run errands together?”
“I am looking for some accountability to do my homework, can we hang out at the library together while we study?”
5 Second Rule
5 Second Rule is from author Mel Robbins. Basically, you count down from 5 and then when you hit 1, you take one small action toward the thing you need to do. For example, maybe you know you’ll feel better after you go on a walk but aren’t totally in the mood. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go put on your shoes. You’re not even committing to a walk, just taking one step toward it.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1, start chopping veggies.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1, pull up the phone number to the dentist that you need to make an appointment with.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1, throw the covers off of you.
Prep beforehand if you know you may be lower capacity/energy
Maybe you know you have a major work project/kid activity/whatever coming up so you prepare ahead of time. For example, if I know I have a particularly busy week ahead, I may choose to hire a meal prep company to support my nutrition if I have less capacity for cooking. Or maybe I plan to do my movement before work/during lunch if I know my evenings are going to be busy.
If you are a womb-bearing individual, you may have a menstrual cycle. This means that the week of your bleed/period and the week prior (known as your luteal phase) are the times when your body is naturally winding down. You may notice lower capacity and desire for rest/less activities, which is ok!
While you may be aware of when your period is, you can go one step further and mark on your calendar the week prior as what I call “pre-bleed prep.” This is the time when I do my grocery shopping, meal prepping, finishing tasks/chores so when my period comes I can release responsibilities.
Self compassion
For many who are feeling like you are dragging or struggling to meet the demands of life, a common thought is, “I am so lazy.” I often compare these types of critical thoughts to a parent who is nagging the teenager about “why aren’t your grades up,” which I don’t know anyone who is motivated to take action when they’re being criticized.
Instead, I prefer to shift my thoughts to:
I’m prioritizing rest today
Wow, I have been doing a lot lately, no wonder my body is asking for some chill time
I’m shifting the things on my to-do list to later so I can create space for myself
Do it for your Future Self
I get it, current self is definitely not in the mood and would much rather lay there doing nothing. Something that helps me when I’m in that situation is connecting with how my Future Self will thank me later.
For example, Future Self will thank me if the night before work I pack my bag, pack my meals, and set an alarm to wake up on time. Future Self will thank me if I go to bed early, which means intentionally winding down and putting my phone away earlier. I know, it’s so tempting at the moment to just indulge and avoid the harder tasks, and I am certainly not perfect at this.
The version of me who went to the gym will be very grateful we did it, even if the pre-gym version of me had very convincing arguments as to why we should skip. Again, there are times to tune into your body’s need for rest, and there are times when we nurture Future Self.
Caring for our Future Self is a form of self-love. By consistently showing up for ourselves we are reminded of our inherent worth. This does not mean perfection in all things, but rather trying to live consciously more often than not.
If you sometimes feel down on yourself for struggling with daily tasks, please know you are not alone! Our lives are busy and no one is perfect at keeping up with everything. It’s normal to have human struggles and you’re doing better than you think you are.
If you feel like you could use some extra support in handling the stresses of life, a therapist can offer specialized support and guidance. Contact The Healing Group to meet with one of our amazing therapists, (like Yennhi!) to help you get on the road to healing and wholeness. Call or text 801-305-3171 to get started.